[141] 
          NINTH DAY.
        Lamentations 
          on our Departure, and on the loss of Monsieur Simon. - Mysterious Conference. 
          - A sullen Adieu. - Liveliness of the Prior of St. Vincent's. - Pleasant 
          Surprise. - Vast and dreary Plain. - A consequential Equerry. - An Invitation. 
          - The Bird-Queen. - Fairy Landscape. - The Mansion. - The great Lady's 
          Nephews. - Reception by her Excellency. - Her attendant Hags. - The 
          great Lady's questions about England and dismal ideas of London. - The 
          Cuckoo. - Imitations. - Dismay of her Sublime Ladyship and her Hags. 
          - Our Departure from the bird-ridden Dominions. - Cultivated Plain. 
          - Happy Peasantry, and their gratitude to the Monks of the Royal Convent. 
          - Their different feelings towards the great Lady. - Female Peasants 
          bearing Offerings to our Lady of Nazarè. - Sea View. - Pedraneira. 
          - Banquet of Fish. - Endless Ravine. - Alfagiraõ. - Arrival at 
          the Caldas. - Sickly Population. - Reception of Dr. Ehrhart. - His Visit 
          to the Invalids, and contempt of the Medical Treatment of the place. 
          - A determined Bore. - His Disaster.
          
        
          
          June 11th.
          
          GREAT were the lamentations in Alcobaça when the hour of our 
          departure ar- [142] rived, - a voice of wailing scarcely equaled in 
          Rama when Rachel wept for her lost children. Here, I am perfectly convinced, 
          that had my Lord Abbot been permitted, like spiritual lords in our own 
          country, to avow the legal paternity of a dozen brats, he would sooner 
          have spared the whole treasure than have lost the advice and exertions 
          of a being he venerated above all others without any exception - a matchless 
          cook. It was a cruel separation: the artist himself, who had a susceptible 
          heart, as well as a hand gifted with the most exquisite sauce-making 
          sensibilities, was far from being callous to the raptures of such a 
          discriminating gourmand as the ruler of Alcobaça. To remain in 
          this holy place, to quit my service, I verily believe never entered 
          the head beneath his milk-white betasseled cook-cap; but he was visibly 
          moved by the rapturous eulogies, still more perhaps by the generous 
          presents I suspect he [143] had received; he saw with great commiseration 
          how acutely the Lord Abbot felt his departure. Pity, we all know, melts 
          the heart to love, and love full often to devotion; so, when we repaired, 
          one and all, to take a parting mass before setting out on our journey, 
          Monsieur Simon, though little given to demonstrations of piety, fell 
          to thumping his, breast with such vehemence, that I could not resist 
          saying to him as we came out of church, "Simon, my Lord Abbot seems 
          to have quite reconverted you; you are becoming astonishingly religious." 
          - "Ah, Monsieur," said he, "on le sera, a moins; Monseigneur 
          rend la religion si aimable."
          I thought now, as the equipages, horses, &c. were all marshalled 
          before the grand entrance, we were actually ready to set out. No such 
          thing: the Grand Prior of Aviz, taking me aside for a moment, whispered 
          in my ear that he had still a few words of great importance in store 
          [144] for my Lord Almoner, and begged me to cast another look at my 
          favourite portrait of St. Thomas of Canterbury whilst he delivered them.
          Calling his colleague of St. Vincent's, they both entered a private 
          room of audience adjoining the hall of pictures, from which my Lord 
          Almoner had not yet stirred; and notwithstanding the doors had been 
          immediately closed, I heard a loud storm of indistinct but angry words 
          approaching to tempest, the exact import of which it is not in my power 
          to reveal, supposing I had the inclination; but I learned afterwards 
          (though rather vaguely) from one of the Prior of St. Vincent's confidants, 
          that they related to certain mysteries, certain despotic imprisonments, 
          certain grotto-like communications, between this sacred asylum and another 
          not less monastic, though tenanted by the fairer portion of holy communities 
          - the daughters of prayer and penitence.
          [145] Providence, that tempers the wind to the shorn lamb, and does 
          kind things now and then to pets and favourites, was not totally ungracious 
          to my Lord Almoner upon this occasion. Had it not, by directing the 
          semi-inquisitorial visit of the two prelatical missionaries, given his 
          right reverence of Alcobaça's thoughts serious occupation, they 
          might have dwelt far more painfully upon the departure of his beloved 
          Simon: the sharp edge of his afflictions in this particular was taken 
          off by the reflections which the late stormy conference had inspired.
          When he came forth to accompany us to our carriages, as the rules of 
          courtesy demanded, I observed a marked change in his deportment and 
          countenance; there were no longer those sunny smiles, those cooings 
          and chucklings, which had greeted my revered companions upon their arrival. 
          A sullen, sulky gloom - a but half-subdued expression of anger pervaded 
          his every [146] look and gesture: coldly and formally, therefore, did 
          we take our leave. Not above half of the community were drawn out in 
          complimentary array, and that half looked strange and suspicious, as 
          if they conjectured something had happened unpleasant and awkward. The 
          two fathers deputed to attend us to Pedraneira got into one of their 
          heavy conventual vehicles, and, in their capacities of conductors, led 
          the van. I looked back as we drove off; and, there stood my Lord Almoner, 
          with his eyes fixed on the pavement, before the grand portal, immovable, 
          and as if he had been turned to stone.
          The Grand Prior of Aviz having something very confidential to discuss 
          with his secretary, begged me to excuse his accompanying me in my carriage: 
          the Prior of St. Vincent's took his place; an exchange I had no cause 
          to complain of, his conversation being so full of hilarity and life. 
          This flow of cheerful good spirits did not, how- [147] ever, carry him 
          beyond the limits of the most perfect discretion: not a syllable that 
          had the slightest reference to pains or pleasures below ground escaped 
          his lips - not the smallest hint - no, not a breath.
          All attempts to gain information upon this curious point proving fruitless, 
          we praised fine weather and fine prospects, and deprecated bad roads. 
          We had no occasion, however, to do so; for scarcely had we turned the 
          angle of one of the vast walled inclosures belonging to the convent, 
          and expected to sink into some frightful rut or sandy furrow, when an 
          immense body of well-clothed peasants, with their strong bright tools 
          slung over their sturdy shoulders, met us with loud vivas, and the tranquillizing 
          assurance that the whole way to Pedraneira had been smoothed by their 
          exertions: so we rolled along over firm gravel and compact heath-faggots 
          most delightfully.
          [148] We soon reached the banks of my favourite river, and crossed over 
          a very picturesque-looking bridge, without parapets, to its opposite 
          shore - a vast and dreary plain. We were beginning to experience the 
          effects of heat rather oppressively, when we entered a forest of pine, 
          and felt much invigorated by fragrant, genial breezes, - shade was out 
          of the question, most of the trees being tall and sapless.
          In one of the least frequented parts of this superannuated forest, the 
          career of our caravan was suddenly arrested by a most imposing cocked-hatted 
          personage, booted up to the chin, like West's heroes in his picture 
          of the Battle of the Boyne, bestriding a maneged horse, decked out in 
          all the pride of burnished pistol and gold-laced holster.
          This most consequential of equerries, with as much solemnity as if he 
          had been reading a state proclamation, invited us, in [149] the name 
          of his mistress, a lady of high caste and importance, to screen ourselves 
          from the meridian heats in her quinta hard by; a most blessedly shady 
          place, in which she had congregated, I verily believe, half the birds 
          in the country - those least in repute, such as kites, owls, and buzzards, 
          not excepted.
          My Lord of Aviz was still too deeply engaged in confidential discourse 
          with his secretary to much relish making a halt and getting out of his 
          carriage; but the Prior of St. Vincent's and myself were perfectly disposed 
          to accept the invitation, having learnt, during our course of Alcobaça 
          gossip, too many curious particulars about this eminent lady-patroness 
          of the feathered tribe, not to 
          feel extremely curious to be admitted into the penetralia of the asylum 
          she afforded them; a favour rarely granted, and which sprang most probably 
          out of a strong curiosity to see and fondle my beloved Arabian, not 
          my own dear self - her [150] most excellent ladyship professedly not 
          caring one pip of an orange for strangers of any description or quality, 
          unless they were blessed with four feet, or a natural mantle of feathers.
          Preceded by the right pompous and fustified equerry, we diverged from 
          the mended track into an avenue of dwarfish corktrees, leading straight 
          to a lofty wall, which extended far to the right and left of a grand 
          massive Tuscan gateway. The wide space before this stately entrance 
          exhibited the refreshing sight of marble' troughs brimful of the clearest 
          water; heaps of oats and barley, amply sufficient to supply the wants 
          of our mules; and paniers of bread and oranges, under very substantial 
          canvass awnings.
          My reverend companions, as in duty bound, went immediately to offer 
          their homage to the bird-queen; but I begged to be excused for the moment, 
          promising that as soon as my Arabian had been re- [151] freshed and 
          brightened up by a good rubbing, I would lead him myself to the foot 
          of the throne of these dominions. Having gained this respite, the whole 
          party dispersed as seemed best in their eyes, and I entered perfectly 
          alone the deeply shaded inclosure - without exception one of the strangest 
          scenes of fairyland ever conjured up by the wildest fancy.
          As far as the eye could stretch, extended a close bower of evergreens, 
          myrtle, bay, and ilex, not to mention humble box, lofty, broad, and 
          fragrant; on either side, arches of verdure most sprucely clipped, opened 
          into large square plats of rare and curious flowers; and in the midst 
          of each of these trim parterres, a fountain inclosed within a richly-gilded 
          cage, containing birds of every variety of size, song, and plumage; 
          parroquets with pretty little flesh-coloured beaks, and parrots of the 
          largest species, looking arch and cunning, as they [152] kept cracking 
          and grinding walnuts and filberts between their bills as black as ebony.
          In one of these inclosures I noticed a immense circular basin of variegated 
          marble, surrounded by a gilt metal balustrade, on which were most solemnly 
          perched a conclave of araras and cockatoos. Their united screechings 
          and screamings upon my approach gave the alarm to a multitude of smaller 
          birds, which issued forth in such clouds from every leaf and spray of 
          these vaulted walls of verdure, that I ran off as if I had committed 
          sacrilege, or feared being transformed by art-magic into a biped completely 
          rigged out with beak, claws, and feathers.
          The strange green light which faintly pervaded the closely-bowered alleys 
          - the aromatic odour universally diffused - the rustle of wings, the 
          chirping and twittering above my head and on every side of me, was so 
          completely bewildering and [153] magical, that I almost doubted whether 
          ever again I should be permitted to emerge into common life or common 
          daylight. The soft, perfumed, voluptuous atmosphere of this seemingly 
          enchanted garden, induced a languor and listlessness to creep over me 
          I scarcely ever felt before.
          Just as I was giving way to this gentle indolence, and had sunk down 
          by the marble basin soothed by the bubblings of its little quiet jet-d'eau, 
          I heard the heavy tramp of the solemn equerry, - and there he was true 
          enough. Be pleased, sir," said he, making a bow which the 
          stiffest and most formal dancing-master of the days of Louis the Fourteenth 
          would have gloried in, - "be pleased to comply with the urgent 
          request of my Lord Prior of Aviz, who is waiting with impatience to 
          have the honour of presenting you to my most illustrious and most excellent 
          mistress."
          [154] "Oh!" answered I, "by all means; nothing less than 
          the attractions of your most illustrious and most excellent lady's feathered 
          favourites could have detained me from her presence - pray lead me to 
          it."
          The way was not long, but most delightful, under a continued arbour 
          of exotic plants, looking as healthful as if they had been quite at 
          home in Portugal - born and bred there for centuries. On either side, 
          more flower-beds, and more birds, some at liberty and some in cages.
          The house itself, at which we arrived in due course, though of an extent 
          quite remarkable, was far from presenting a palace-like appearance, 
          being in height only one story. Its verandas, however, commanded respect: 
          they were extremely spacious, paved and balustraded with marble.
          Under the terraces they supported, were [155] offices innumerable, not 
          unlike rabbit-burrows in the realm of Brobdignag, out of, and into which, 
          were continually creeping a great number of tawny-coloured menials, 
          very slightly clothed indeed, all busily engaged in tending the feathered 
          race committed to their charge: for half these burrows, or arched chambers, 
          or whatever we please to call them, were closed with light trellises 
          of wire, forming, after all, no very pleasant aviaries. Certain most 
          horribly discordant screechings, which pierced my ears every now and 
          then, seemed to indicate that the birds of the establishment were not 
          so happy or judiciously governed as their sovereign mistress imagined 
          - the case of subjects in most dominions.
          On the lowest step of a grand flight of steps leading up to the principal 
          veranda, stood three young gentlemen, aged fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen 
          years, the nephews of the great lady, as like one to [156] the other 
          as if they had been not only twins, but triplets; all sleek, and smooth, 
          and sallow; all dressed in obsolete court-dresses of blue and silver 
          tissue, each with his powdered hair in a silken bag, each with his little 
          cut-steel-hilted sword and each with a little abdominal bulge that promised 
          in the course of a very few years to become a paunch of considerable 
          dignity. In close attendance upon these hopeful youths, were a stripling 
          page, a half-crazed buffoon, an ex-jesuit, and a dwarf; personages indispensable 
          to a noble and well-constituted Portuguese establishment. Down went 
          all their heads the moment I drew near, and down went mine' to the very 
          earth in return for so much courtesy.
          We ascended the steps all together right lovingly, the three youths 
          marching hand-in-hand. Nothing could exceed the decorous behaviour of 
          these sweet young gentlemen; it did honour to their [157] preceptor, 
          who had brought them up in the most commendable fear of the devil and 
          of taking birds' nests; - the latter, of all crimes, was esteemed the 
          most heinous in those dominions.
          Independently of my fondness for brute animals, I am not unapt, cameleon-like, 
          to take the colour of what happens to pass around me. It might be supposed, 
          therefore, that I entered fully into the fashion of the place, and expressed 
          my fondness and admiration of every species of bird it had pleased God 
          in his infinite goodness to create, with enthusiasm. So disposed, and 
          in this blessed trim, I entered the grand saloon of the great lady's 
          residence. Her excellency was seated at its upper end in a high-backed 
          wicker chair, stuck close to the wall. Seven or eight old hags, of a 
          most forbidding aspect, all in black, and all more sincerely bearded, 
          I make no doubt, than the Countess Trifaldi's attendants, were ranged 
          to the [158] right and left, on narrow benches; forming one of the ugliest 
          displays of living tapestry my eyes had ever encountered.
          The two Priors, who, to their no great delight, one may easily imagine, 
          formed part and parcel of this odious assembly, had reserved a wicker 
          chair, the coolness of which was completely neutralized by a red velvet 
          cushion, for the stranger - the unhappy stranger, who felt already quite 
          sufficiently annoyed and sweltered.
          As soon as we had exchanged an infinity of salutations, and several 
          capacious golden snuff-boxes had gone their rounds with as much regularity 
          as the planets, four antiquated damsels entered the presence, bearing 
          trays, heaped high with candied apricots and oranges, and, still sweeter 
          than all the sweetmeats ever confectionized, a preparation of the freshest 
          eggs ever laid, with the richest sugar ever distilled from the finest 
          canes ever grown [159] in the Brazils for private consumption under 
          the most skilful management.
          To these succeeded another entrée of ci-devant young women, who 
          presented us, upon embossed silver salvers, goblets of cut glass, containing 
          the coldest and purest water.
          Right opposite to where we sat, formally marshalled all of a row, the 
          young fidalgos and their preceptor, who had enlisted Doctor Ehrhart, 
          Franchi, and the two Priors' secretaries into their ranks, were seated 
          on stools, not in the least superior either in shape or dimensions to 
          those used for milking in the homeliest bartons of our own dear farming 
          country.
          It was some time before any sounds, except the whirring and whizzing 
          of enormous cockchafers, and the flirting of fans almost as large as 
          the vans of a windmill, were audible. At length the great lady broke 
          silence, by asking me whether we had any birds in England: to which, 
          [160] rising from my chair, I replied with a low obeisance, that, thanks 
          be to God, we were blessed with an immense number.
          "Indeed!" rejoined her excellency; "I thought your country 
          too cold to allow them, sweet dears, to build their nests and enjoy 
          themselves."
          Yes," observed the Jesuit, "the climate of your island 
          must be very bitter. Camoens, whose authority none can dispute, calls 
          it
          
          A grande Inglaterra che de neve 
          Boreal sempre abunda.
          (Canto 6, stanz. 42.)
          
          "Which being undoubtedly the case," continued the bird-queen, 
          that great number you boast of must be imported: indeed, I understood 
          as much from an old servant of my father's, who made a fortune by dealing 
          in Canary-birds, and taking them to your great town, where you can hardly 
          distinguish night from day, as he told me. But what will not the lure 
          [161] of gain make us submit to? He was continually resorting to that 
          black place with his living wares, (how I pity them!) and, to be sure, 
          he gained sufficient, though he almost coughed his lungs out, to buy 
          a nice quinta in my neighbourhood. He is an excellent judge of everything 
          that concerns birds; knows how to treat them in moulting-time, which 
          few do; and for the sagacity with which he discovers an incipient pip, 
          and stops its progress, I may venture to affirm from long experience, 
          he has no equal. But tell me fairly, most estimable Englishman, have 
          you any native birds in your island?"
          "Yes, madam," was my triumphant reply, we have; one 
          in particular - seldom seen, but often heard - the cuckoo."
          I had scarcely pronounced that name, when an exact imitation of its 
          well-known sound burst forth from Franchi and the buffoon, who was standing 
          behind his stool, to the high glee of the young gen- [162] tlemen, their 
          page and dwarf, and the evident dismay of her sublime ladyship and her 
          hags in waiting. They looked as if they could have pinched us all as 
          sharply as the snuff in their ample boxes. In short, surprise and anger 
          at Franchi's want of decorum, and a suspicion, perhaps, of being what 
          we call quizzed, in our vernacular slang, began to manifest itself; 
          when the solemn equerry announced with his wonted solemnity, that our 
          carriages were in waiting, and my Arabian at the door, ready to receive 
          the honour of a caress from his most illustrious and excellent mistress.
          Overjoyed at this intelligence, the two Priors and myself, all heartily 
          tired of our formal sitting, rose up without a moment's delay; so did 
          the great lady, and her train of hags and dismal damsels, following 
          each other one by one. As soon as this dolorous procession reached the 
          gateway, a great number of gigantic dark-brown um-[163] brellas were 
          spread forth, and under their deep shade my astonished courser, with 
          his fine arched neck held down by a couple of grooms, was patted in 
          succession by the lank, cold fingers of the bird-queen and her antiquated 
          attendants; then followed as many curtseys, and as low as the dry stiff 
          knees that performed them could contrive to drop; and the Grand Prior 
          of Aviz signifying that he had no further occasion for the attendance 
          of his confidential secretary, I got into his dormeuse, ordered my Arabian 
          to follow, and bade, I hope and trust, an eternal adieu to this region 
          of screaming birds, clipped hedges, and sour-visaged old women.
          It was some time before we cleared the walls of these bird-ridden dominions, 
          a great deal more extensive than I apprehended. Our route, distinctly 
          marked out by its recent mendings, led us across a plain in the highest 
          state of cultivation, forming a most agreeable contrast to the ragged 
          [164] weather-beaten forest and pompous idle inclosure we had left behind. 
          Here every object smiled; here every rood of land was employed to advantage, 
          the Lombard system of irrigation being perfectly understood and practised. 
          Every cottage, apparently the abode of industrious contentment, had 
          its well-fenced garden richly embossed with gourds 
          and melons, its abundant waterspout, its vine, its fig-tree, and its 
          espalier of pomegranate.
          The peasantry, comfortably clad in substantial garments, looked kindly 
          and unenviously at our splendid caravan, because their hearts were expanded 
          by good treatment, their granaries amply stored, their flocks numerous 
          and healthy, and their landlords, the rich monks of Alcobaça, 
          neither griping nor tyrannical. When the Prior of Aviz stopped to converse 
          with these good people, which he frequently did, and inquired with his 
          usual affable [165] benignity, "Who taught you to till your land 
          so neatly? to manure it with so much judgment? to raise such crops of 
          grain? to spare your cattle all forced oppressive labour? to treat their 
          young with so much gentleness?" the answer was prompt and uniform, 
          - "Our indulgent masters and kind friends, the monks of the royal 
          monastery."
          The pleasure my excellent friend received from this communication beamed 
          forth from his ingenuous countenance, as he noted down the result of 
          his inquiries on his tablets; a set-off, perhaps, in his opinion, to 
          the strange mysterious report he had received of certain unedifying 
          frailties. Whatever snares of the evil-one my kind hosts of Alcobaca 
          may have fallen into beneath ground, few communities ever conferred 
          more solid benefits upon its surface to all their dependants.
          Very different were the replies to our queries about the great lady: 
          shrugs of [166] the shoulder, and shakings of the head, gave us to understand 
          most plainly, that, as far as her territorial influence extended, - 
          luckily small in comparison with that of the great convent - it was 
          of a nature more blighting than genial, less charitable than oppressive. 
          And as to her birds, they were a flagrant nuisance - whole flights of 
          her doves, parrots, kites, finches, and thrushes being allowed to commit 
          with the most perfect impunity every species of depredation best suited 
          to their habits and propensities.
          We were all so enchanted with these scenes of rural delight and joy, 
          that we ordered our carriages not to be driven along too rapidly. We 
          had to pass the river again and again over the same sort of ruinous 
          bridges as we had met with in the immediate vicinity of Alcobaça. 
          My revered companion could not repress sensations of terror as we jolted 
          up and down steep arches unprotected by any parapet - [167] sensations 
          which the most fervid exhortations on my part to put faith in Saint 
          Anthony could not subdue; so out he trundled into all the dust and offal 
          of the road.
          After not less than three or four of these rather dangerous transits, 
          we mounted a heathy, pastoral hill, browsed by goats, and met a long 
          string of female peasants, bearing offerings of various kinds to our 
          Lady of Nazarè; and presently the sanctuary, to which they were 
          going in pilgrimage, discovered itself on the brow of a craggy eminence 
          shelving down to the Atlantic.
          Much praise cannot in truth be lavished upon this edifice, which is 
          neither considerable nor picturesque; but the colours of the wide unlimited 
          ocean, so pure, so vivid, so beautifully azure, made up for all other 
          deficiencies, and, joined to the reviving freshness of the sea-breeze, 
          gave my spirits the most delightful and ani- [168] mated flow. Gay, 
          agile, and buoyant, I leaped out of the carriage the moment it stopped, 
          and was immediately received into the arms and garlick-scented embrace 
          of the two aged fathers, our harbingers, who, had preceded us to Pedraneira.
          This most opulent farm-mansion, the capital of the conventual domains 
          in these quarters, had very much the air of an oriental caravanserai, 
          with stables for mules and courts surrounded with arches, castellated 
          granaries, and vaulted chambers, incrusted with clean glossy tiles, 
          by no means indifferently painted with scriptural and legendary subjects. 
          In the largest and coolest of these apartments we were regaled with 
          a magnificent banquet of fish, caught near the rocks of Peniche, and 
          reckoned the best upon the whole line of the coast.
          Being a fast-day, except a few hashes of pork for heretics, savoury 
          as the flesh-pots of Egypt, nothing unorthodox was served [169] up. 
          Dr. Ehrhart, however, partook of every ragout set before him indiscriminately, 
          to the scandal of our hosts, the monks and their attendants. All the 
          rest of the company having made their election, stuck to fish with true 
          Catholic propriety.
          Our repast quickly dispatched, and the aged fathers most kindly thanked 
          and most willingly dismissed from their attendance, - for, to say truth, 
          they were not only intolerably effluvient but inveterately prosy, - 
          we made haste to set forth in order to reach the Caldas before night. 
          As long as we continued on the shore enjoying the vast marine prospect 
          and the unceasing sound of the waves, nothing could be pleasanter; but 
          when we entered an almost endless ravine, its banks entirely covered 
          with the strong healthy flowers of the Papaver corniculatum, our progress 
          was slow and tedious. To this ravine succeeded another, diversified 
          by a more agreeable [170] sort of vegetation - the yellow lupin in all 
          its fragrance.
          At some distance we saw a Moorish castle, standing proudly on an insulated 
          eminence, presenting a grand mass: it bears also a grand name, Alfagiraõ. 
          This picturesque object, the stillness and soft hues of evening, and 
          the perfume of the lupins, were circumstances too pleasing not to make 
          us regret our arrival at the Caldas with quite sufficient light to distinguish 
          all its ugliness; - its dull monotonous houses, with their coarse green 
          window-blinds and shutters flapping to and fro in the dusty breeze; 
          and its heavy verandas, daubed over with yellow ochre, and striped in 
          places with blue and red, in patterns not unworthy of Timbuctoo or Ashantee.
          In my eyes, the whole of this famous stewing-place wore a sickly unprepossessing 
          aspect. Almost every third or fourth person you met was a quince-coloured 
          [171] apothecary, accoutred like a courtier on his march to the drawing-room, 
          and carrying many a convenient little implement in a velvet bag, as 
          pompously as if he had been a lord chancellor; and every tenth or twelfth, 
          a rheumatic or palsied invalid, with his limbs all atwist, and his mouth 
          all awry, being conveyed to the baths in a chair. You could hardly move 
          without running your head against the voluminous wig of some medical 
          professor, and hearing the formidable stump of his gold-headed cane.
          The news of the advent of a great German doctor, ex-physician to the 
          household of his ex-majesty the most Christian King, soon spread itself 
          throughout the Caldas; and we had not set our feet on the hot flag-stones 
          of this physical emporium above five or six minutes, before a deputation 
          of the faculty arrived. These sages came on purpose to introduce themselves 
          to Dr. Ehrhart, and entreat the honour of [172] his company on a professional 
          tour to their principal patients. His account of the woful condition 
          and appearance of the wretched invalids in their respective tubs and 
          cisterns, related in Alsatian French, sound Latin, and broken Portuguese, 
          was most original.
          "I found many of them," said the indignant doctor, "with 
          galloping pulses, excited almost to frenzy by the injudicious application 
          of these powerful waters, and others with scarcely any pulses at all. 
          The last will be quiet enough ere long; and considering what dreadful 
          work these determined Galenists drive amongst them, with their decoctions, 
          and juleps, and spiced boluses, and conserve of mummy, and the devil 
          knows what, I expect a general gaol-delivery must speedily take place, 
          and the souls of these victims of exploded quackeries be soon released 
          from their wretched bodies, rendered the worst of prisons by a set of 
          confounded bunglers."
          [173] Never shall I forget the indignant scowl my angry doctor cast 
          upon the contemners of simple and vegetable medicine. His ebullitions 
          of wrath remained unpacified till he had swilled down the contents of 
          an ample caraffe of wine, diluted with only a very few drops of water, 
          accompanied by a platter of those savoury bulbs which geese are so often 
          stuffed with in England, for the express purpose, he openly avowed, 
          of decreasing flatulence, and expelling the prince of the air and all 
          his satellites. I thought the Prior of St. Vincent's would never have 
          ceased laughing at this species of exorcism. The Portuguese have in 
          general a strong relish for coarse practical jokes; and I am far from 
          pretending that this one was not most decidedly of the number.
          The master and mistress of the large rambling habitation assigned to 
          us thought proper to light up with their own hands all the tapers in 
          the Bohemian glass [174] sconces and chandeliers of the barn-like saloon 
          on their ground-floor. Such a glare, equal at least to that of a ridotto 
          in a second-rate Italian town, was as sure to excite notice and attract 
          passengers, as a flaming candle every moth and father longlegs in its 
          neighbourhood. We were, therefore, in no want of company.
          Our tea-table, which we had prudently established as far beyond the 
          influence of Doctor Ehrhart's regale as possible, was soon surrounded 
          by all the fashion not under immediate medical restraint that happened 
          to be at the Caldas: old buckram officers, not much the wiser for having 
          served under the Count de la Lippe; pot-bellied fidalgos, who had not 
          yet been stewed down to less unseemly proportions; and desembargadors 
          and men of the law, as greedy as sharks, and as heavy as cart-horses.
          One of the most ponderous of the set, a personage of some political 
          importance, [175] and a distinguished graduate of the University of 
          Coimbra, was half inclined to turn restive, because I would not sit 
          down by him and explain in minute detail some passages in Blackstone's 
          Commentaries about which he was eager of information. Pushing my chair 
          away from this determined bore, he pushed his after me with such vehemence, 
          that a conflict must have ensued, perhaps to my total discomfiture, 
          had not his chair been killed under him; - both back and legs gave way, 
          and down he fell flat on the gritty floor. Everybody's sides in the 
          room shook with laughter - even the spare ribs of the Count de la Lippe's 
          ancient martinet officers.